Rest

I'm taking a trip down memory lane today, will you come with me?

Seven years ago my brother graduated from LBC.  I can see the photo of our family in my minds eye, unfortunately I can't find it online to share with you.  Someone (probably my mother-in-law) was babysitting my 3 year old daughter and my almost 2 year old son.  We had our 2 month old baby along.

I remember very little of the graduation ceremony except someone sang one of my favorite songs, "In Christ Alone", and someone else mentioned this verse in their speech:  "This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:  "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it."  ~ Isaiah 30:15

Maybe it was because I had just given birth to my 3rd baby in three years but the word "rest" hit me square in the face.  What in the world was that elusive 4 letter word and how do I get some of it?  I'm pretty sure I cried right then and there.

I was t.i.r.e.d. 

I don't remember how the speaker tied the verse to his speech.  And I don't know the context of this verse besides that the Lord is speaking to his rebellious child, Israel.  All I remember is the Spirit whispering the word "rest" to my soul.

I may have snorted.  When you have 3 babies there is little time for rest.  Not even at night.  I don't remember much from those years, they are somewhat of a blur.  But I have lots of photos and I know this one thing:  Larry and I make adorable babies.

Fast forward 3 years.  We added a 4th baby.

Our family now looked like this:

Please excuse Cole, clearly he was not excited about giving up his place as baby of the family.

Four babies in six years.  My life was busy.  But I was living my dream.  I'd always wanted to be a wife and a mother.  There were days I felt so fulfilled and I brimmed with thankfulness for Larry who went to work each day and worked hard to provide for us so I could stay home with the kiddos.  

There were days I wanted to force Larry to trade places with me so I could go to work and GET AWAY FROM THESE KIDS WHO WERE SUCKING THE VERY LIFE OUT OF ME.

There were days I did wash with joy, did dishes with joy, cleaned with joy.  There were days my kids cuddled on the couch with me as we read story after story.

There were days I did wash feeling under-appreciated, did dishes feeling under-appreciated, cleaned feeling under-appreciated.  There were days I spent with someone else's throw-up, urine, and (excuse me) crap on me.

Being the mother of young children is not for the faint of heart.

All you mommas who are in the thick of it right now, I applaud you!  Don't feel bad when your emotions swing from I-can't-imagine-being-able-to-love-this-little-person-anymore-than-I-do-right-now to GET-THIS-CHILD-AWAY-FROM-ME-FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-EVERYTHING-HOLY!!!!!  You are not alone.

I now understand why my mom used to lock herself in the bathroom.

Fast forward 4 more years.  Our family now looks like this:

Things are still busy but it's a different kind of busy.  Some things are easier to do without babies but some things are harder.  My emotions still swing from  I-can't-imagine-being-able-to-love-this-little-person-anymore-than-I-do-right-now to GET-THIS-CHILD-AWAY-FROM-ME-FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-EVERYTHING-HOLY!!!!!

Rest is still an elusive 4 letter word.  

Next week I will get to do a lot of resting.  Vacation is good for that.  But that means this week requires extra effort.

My life would be in shambles without my lists.  Side note:  the above lists are all about food.

I'm doing everything in a hurry.  My mom says she remembers her dad adding the word "hurry" to everything they were supposed to do.  "Hurry up and...".  There is much to be done and so we hurry.

At the beginning of this year I spent a Sunday morning at home while Larry and the kids went to church.  It was quiet, peaceful, holy.  I felt the Spirit impress two words on my heart for 2014.

Slow.

Deliberate.

Bahahaha, God, that's a funny joke.

Except it wasn't a joke.  Somehow I was supposed to incorporate these 2 words into everyday life.  Into everything I do.  We are now half way thru the year.  Can I tell you?  I'm failing miserably.  There are weeks that go by that I don't think even once about those two words that are supposed to be my mantra for the year.

But there are also times do remember.  I can tell I am changing.  

Is there something you can do slow and deliberate today?  Is there anything the Spirit is impressing on you?  I'd love to hear about it.

Media Month Check In

It's June 20th.  Three weeks of June, gone.  Two weeks of summer vacation have flown by.  Please, Dear Summer, SLOW DOWN.

I am loving the pace of these days.  Especially the mornings.  My people are actually sleeping in (read: sleeping past 6:00am).  I am raising 4 morning people.  Which is great as I am one too.  Except my mornings are holy.  Meaning, unless you are the Holy Spirit, please do not talk to me.  I'm trying to think.  I'm enjoying my coffee.  I'm being.

Morning is when I do my best thinking.  As the day wears on my brain turns to mush.  I'm not saying I don't enjoy the rest of the day because I absolutely do!  There is just something so peaceful about the morning hours.  It probably has something to do with the fact that I am by myself and no one is talking to me.  Have I mentioned I'm an introvert?

Anyhow, on to the purpose of this blog post:  Media Month Check-In.

I waffle between being a complete Pharisee (I will follow ALL the rules and run rough-shod over anyone who gets in my way) and throwing the rule book over my shoulder (eh, who cares anyway?!).  

I am convinced I have split personalities.

So, what I am trying to say is this:  The beginning of this month I kept track of every second I spent on Facebook or other not-legitimately-important web time or TV watching.  

We all know that I did not keep track of time I spent texting.  About a week or so in,probably after the infamous Drive To The Zoo debacle.  (Side note:  I just looked up the word 'debacle' to make sure I am using it correctly.  Webster's 1913 dictionary has this definition: "a complete and ludicrous failure."  Yup, that about covers it!) I decided that all texts from people I care about are considered LIT's.  Judge me however you want.

I lasted about a week and a half in Pharisee mode.  Then I decided it was too much bother to write down and track all my time.  I mean, I can just pop on for 5 minutes, update my hilarious status, and not get sucked in, right?

I probably didn't spend much time online today so I can relax with Larry and watch this half hour show, right?  Oh, look, another episode of the same show is coming on!  So that makes up my hour of media for the day.  Hmmm, well, the commercials shouldn't count.  That probably cancels out the time I spent on Facebook today.

Isn't this how we let sin into our lives?  Small justifications.

"It's just a little white lie."

"My company makes so much money they won't ever miss a few office supplies."

"It's just one stray thought.  It doesn't matter."

Ephesians 4:27 says "do not give the devil a foothold."

Now, I am no rock climber (Ha!  I just had a hilarious mental picture of me all harnessed up standing at the bottom of a rock wall.) but my understanding is that a foothold can be super small. 

Like a tiny crack.  Like a little white lie.  Like stealing a few office supplies.  Like entertaining a sinful stray thought.

Can we start being a people of integrity?  Can I stop lying to myself to sooth my conscience?  Let's stand up and make Jesus proud of His Bride.

"And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption...Be kind and compassionate to one another...Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."  Ephesians 4:30, 32 & 5:1-2

Wow, do you know the cool thing about blogging?  When I started this post I had no idea I would end up at these thoughts.

I have one kid awake now which means it's no longer quiet (why do they start talking the minute their eyes open?) so I can't think clearly anymore.

Also, I have no good wrap up for this blog.  Just...thanks for reading it.  I pray you let Jesus speak to you today.  Go out and be imitators of God!

Fun with Purpose

What do two girls from China, four Lancaster County kids, and one fresh air child have in common with me?  We all "ran" the We Help Children Color Run 5k together last year!

Yeah, we didn't actually run.  That is one of the many great things about this event!  It's for everyone.  You can run, walk, crawl, skip, jump, or slither thru the course.  Whatever floats your boat.

It's SO fun.  If you came to this event and didn't have fun I worry for your soul.

I wish I could have heard how our girls from China described this event when they got home.  I can just hear it...

"Americans are crazy people!  For fun they run thru the woods and throw paint on each other!  And they pay good money to do it!"

Yes, yes we do.

And good news!!  We're doing it again this year!  July 26 at Brubaker Park, East Earl, PA.  This year there will be 2 color runs, one at 8:30am and one at 10:30am.  You can register online here.

Now you know about the fun but what about the purpose?

I have these awesome friends, Drew and Cindy Metcalf. 

Ok, clearly the above photo is not of Drew and Cindy.  It's of me and Cindy.  Because I don't have any photos of Drew and Cindy in my computer and I'm too stupid to figure out how to get any from the web.  And also because, even though this picture is 5 years old now, IT WAS TAKEN IN GUATEMALA.

Anyhow, regardless of if I have photos or not, Drew and Cindy are amazing.  They live in Guatemala with their two sons and they help tons of kids.  They are missionary counselors who work with children who have had unspeakable things done to them.  Seriously, the stories will make you bawl your eyes out.

God has called Drew and Cindy to this mission field and they've responded by starting a ministry called "We Help Children".  All the proceeds of this year's color run will benefit We Help Children.

(HEY!   I figured it out!  The above photo is of the much loved Metcalf family <3)

Would you like to be involved?  Visit this Facebook site to learn more about the We Help Children Color Run 5k.  Visit this one to learn more about the We Help Children ministry.

AND NOW FOR SOME VERY EXCITING NEWS!!!  You could win two FREE registrations by following this link and liking our page!  Like and share the We Help Children Color Run 5k Facebook page, comment on my blog post, or comment on the Giveaway post at We Help Children and you will be entered to win two free registrations!  The winner will be announced on Sunday June 22.  It could be you!

And even if you don't win the drawing, we'd love to see you on July 26.  It's fun with a purpose and so we all win.  We have fun.  Our money helps to change lives.  Jesus is honored.

To God be the glory!

Rule Breaking Justifier 

I went on a field trip today.  I love field trips for two reasons:

1.  They are usually to cool places.

2.  I get one on one time with my kids.

Today's field trip was no exception.  Philly zoo.  Me and Cole.  Fantastic.

There is one down side of field trips tho.  The bus ride.  Because the noise.  And the bumpiness.  And the constantly in motion kids (Seriously, dudes.  Just. Be.STILL).  And also the noise.

Did I mention bus rides are loud?

Being an introvert I find it not worth it too difficult to try to carry on a conversation over the noise.  Besides, this was a longish bus ride.  If I started a conversation then there was the pressure of trying to keep it going the WHOLE TIME.  My life is pretty boring, people.  I don't have that much material.

Normally on a bus ride I would text people to pass the time.  But this month's 7 fast is media.  I am only giving one hour a day to media (blogging doesn't count) and only returning important texts and emails.

So what did I do?  I justified texting my sister-in-law who was just a few seats behind me.  I mean, come on.  If she was sitting right behind me I would have chatted with her so texting isn't that much different, right?

Then my phone rang.  Of course I couldn't answer it over the noise of 20 excited first graders so I let it go to voice mail.  With one finger shoved in my left ear I listened to the message with my right.  I needed to respond and I'm terrible at returning phone calls so this was an acceptable time to text and I did so.

Then I threw caution completely to the wind.   You see, I should have stopped with one cup of coffee this morning.  But I didn't and at this point in the bus ride my bladder was paying the price.  Did I mention bus rides are bumpy?  I needed a distraction.  I let my thumbs do the talking.  

Pretty soon I had 10 text message conversations going.  Four friends.  Four co-workers.  One sister-in-law.  One sister.

"Rules are meant to be broken" is a line I heard often while I was growing up.  Also, "those rules aren't meant for Leamans".  That's some solid Ted teaching right there.  Being a Harting for 12 years has done little to take the Leaman out of me.

I happily went on sending texts that were not Legitimately Important Texts (LITs).  They were Silly Texts, Food Texts, Border-line Inappropriate Texts.  Hashtag Texts, Kid Texts, I Have to Pee Texts.

One friend texted this: "Just read thru that whole conversation again.  I love when u do media fasts.  I think that was the most txting we did for months. :) "

And my reply?  "lol, oh my word.  At the zoo now, no more silliness.  Peace out, homie."

I am so weird.

I'm not even sure what the point of this blog post is.  I guess just to confess to you that on day 3 of the media fast I failed totally and completely.

Ok, so if we want to be brutally honest, I actually failed on the VERY FIRST day.  But it was different than today.  Today I willingly broke my own rules.  On Sunday I just forgot.  

Sunday evening I posted this as my status:  

"for the month of june i am giving only 1 hour a day to media/technology.  i will answer important emails/texts but if you want to be silly or sarcastic of just simply conversational with me it's gonna have to be in person.

i am not super thrilled about this month of 7."

A few hours later I sent LITs to two friends, inviting them to breakfast.  One accepted.  One declined.  Both text conversations spiraled into silliness.  I didn't think twice about it until one of them responded with this:  "Do these count as important texts because if not your month has already been ruined..."

Cruditty, crud, crud, CRUD.  

I thought I didn't have a problem with media.  I'm not uber connected.  You know, no smart phone, no laptop, no ipad, no cable, no DVR.  I don't watch that much TV.  And radio?  I can take it or leave it.  But I do love me some texting.  And Facebook. And salted caramel pretzel bark (which has nothing to do with media.  I'm just listing things I'm addicted to).

Tomorrow is a new day.  Another chance to follow my own rules.  And like I said in a text today:

"At least Jesus still loves me"

The reply? "Always and forever and that's all that should matter!!"

Another Month Down

Maybe you've wondered where all my blog posts about the month of May (possessions) have been. 

 Short answer:  there aren't many.  Actually, I just checked and there were 2 blog posts for May, only one of them about "7".

Long answer:  I want to make excuses.  Like "I'm super busy right now".  Which is true.  I've been working extra, there are a ton of end of school year activities, Larry's playing softball (I like to throw that one in there to make it sound like an extra activity but here's the truth:  I've been to exactly 0 of his games.  He takes some kids, I put a kid to bed and then I have a quiet evening all to myself.  I'm selfish, what can I say?), Kye has 2 baseball games a week and I've been to every one except for those nights that I was working (and last night.  Because it was gross out and I'm a fair weather fan.  I know, no Mother of the Year award for me.  I'm cool with that.), Cole has T-ball on Saturday mornings (I've made it to 1 for various reasons.   Probably no Mother of the Year award for me E.V.E.R), and it's spring so there's lots of yard work.  All this on top of all the regular stuff like laundry, cooking, cleaning.  So there is the excuse.  

But the deeper truth?

I've been spending little time with Jesus.  

That was a hard sentence to type.  I am super ashamed to have to admit that to you all.

Maybe you are wondering how my spending time with Jesus affects how much I blog.  Well, you see, when I spend little time with Jesus I am uninspired to write.  I've got nothing of substance to share with you.

But this morning I dragged it out of bed early.  I seem to go thru spells of amnesia where I forget how much better my day is if I get up when my alarm goes off.

Anyway, I poured myself a delicious cup of Toffee Caramel coffee from Ten Thousand Villages, parked myself in my red chair, and opened my Bible and a few devotionals.  Here's the first sentence I read in "Jesus Calling":  "Time with me cannot be rushed."

Crap and double crap.  Rush is what I do.  

Second sentence:  "When you are in a hurry, your mind flitters back and forth between Me and the tasks ahead of you."

You got me, Jesus.

Third sentence:  "Push back the demands pressing in on you; create a safe space around you, a haven in which you can rest with Me."

Easier said than done.  But it's what I want to do.

And then this verse went with the devo:  "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him."  ~ 2 Chronicles 16:9a

*Side note:  I went back and read 2 Chronicles 15 & 16.  Fascinating story of Asa king of Judah.  I want to dig a little deeper into it sometime soon!

 "Those whose hearts are fully committed to him."  Which leads right around to what I read in "7" this morning.  Don'tcha just love it when God ties everything together and smacks you upside the head?!

"Don't collect for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal.  But collect for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves don't break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  ~Matt. 6:19-21

"There is no middle road... Grayed-down discipleship is an easier sell, but it created pretend Christians, obsessing over Scriptures we like while conspicuously ignoring the rest.  Until God asks for everything and we answer, "It's Yours," we don't yet have ears to hear or eyes to see.  We're still deaf to the truth, blind to freedom, deceived by the treasures of the world, imagining them to be the key when they are actually the lock."  ~ Jen Hatmaker

During the month of May I gave away a lot of stuff.  And it was so freeing!!  It was way easier to get rid of stuff because I knew I "had" to.   The hard part will be to keep myself from replacing it.  Jen says "Will I slowly refill the empty spaces?  Or will my family disconnect from the machine, creating a more courageous legacy than simply consuming?  I want to confront the big part that says "more" with the smaller part that says "enough."

Me too, sister!

On to month 4:  Media.  I'm still not entirely sure how this is going to play out.  I'll figure it out by Sunday and let you know!

Thanks for reading my ramblings, I pray that Jesus continues to change us all for His honor and glory.

Favorites

So, I got home tonight from Garden Spot's band concert and checked facebook while I enjoyed a snack of leftover cheeseburger pie (I know, I live the life!) and I saw in my notifications that "Rachel Horst nominated you...".  Immediately I thought I was nominated for the cold water challenge.  Let's talk about that for a minute.

I.WILL.NOT.DO.IT.

I am so over being cold for this year.  The end.

Happily, Rachel was NOT nominating me for the cold water challenge, she was nominating me to share my favorite Bible verse.

This should be a simple status update, right?

Wrong!  Do you not know me by now?  My brain is swirling, trying to get the words in the right order and my fingers are scrambling to try to keep up.

I have a hard time picking a favorite anything.

"Tara, what's your favorite food/cuisine?"

All of it.  Duh.

"Tara, what's your favorite color?"

I like everything except purple.  I don't know why.

*Side note:  I bought a purple running shirt yesterday.  It's my only piece of purple clothing.  It's comfy.

"Tara, what's your favorite book?"

Why is that even a question?

So, my favorite verse?  I don't even know.

Right now I've been meditating on these verses often:  "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things." ~ Phillipians 4:8  There is so much junk out there fighting for brain space that I don't want to give up.

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.  And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."  ~Romans 8:15  Fear is a very real battle but I will not be a slave to it, God is my Daddy!!

"For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect."  ~1 Peter 1:18-19  Ok, here's a favorite I can declare with authority:  'Redeemed' is my favorite word.  I tattooed it on my body for Pete's sake.

Psalm 121, the imagery!

Romans 8:35-39 gets a resounding "Hallelujah!!" 

So now I get to nominate 3 people to share their favorite verse (or verses!).   I choose:  Nell Leaman, Lori Stoltzfus,  and Gina Dissinger.

Too Long!!

I've got a quick 27 minutes to pound out some thoughts, please overlook any grammatical mistakes or mispelled words!  

I don't even know when my last blog post was.  Life is hectic right now:  all this end of school year crap stuff, getting everything lined up for our church's Big Backyard BBQ (come on out tomorrow!), working extra hours (don't feel bad, Mitch and Gina.  I'll always exhaust myself for you.  Enjoy the wedding!), and lots of softball, baseball, and t-ball for 3 out of my 4 favorite men.

I wanted to write a nice wrap up at the end of April for my month of 7 clothes.  But I didn't.  I did have some time to sit at the computer but I was lazy.  If I had a laptop and could have sat on the couch to write you can bet your bottom dollar you would have read a blog post before now.  Except we have a desktop and that's it.

Anyway, April is over and I couldn't be more delighted.  There was definitely cheating going on cuz that's just how I roll.  I am good at following rules when I want to.  But by the 3rd week in April I was over following the rules.  There is even photo documentation of me wearing clothes that I did not include in my 7:

Ok, this is not a really great example so I'll just tell you what I did "wrong".  I was wearing my 7 sanctioned jeans but that was it.  Different flip flops, different scarf, a cardigan, a tee-shirt, makeup (just mascara.  See how I like to justify?  I am rule-breaking justifier.  That is why I need Jesus.), and earrings.  I can't even tell you how happy I was to shove some metal thru my earlobes.  

This photo was taken at Sysco's food show.   The two beauties with me are Ashley (my wonderful co-worker) and Gina (my fantastic boss).  If you have never been to a food show I feel sorry for you.

Oh. My. Goodness.

I'm pretty sure Ashley and Gina were horrified by the amount of food I consumed.  And I don't care.  Breaking the rules of 7 and eating the food show made for my happiest day all month.

I am so pathetic.

Fast forward exactly 1 week.  It's now April 29.  After today there is only one day left for my clothes month.  Please enjoy the following text message conversation with my friend, Krista:

Krista: "Is 7 screwed for the month or are u still following it?"

Me:  "Ha, not totally screwed :)  we were at the cabin last weekend and i took 7 things but they weren't the 7 i was wearing for the month.  I'm wearing (small) earrings and a hat to work tonight.  I have to go out tomorrow in the torrential rain so I'll prob wear my rainboots.  So, 7 is slightly screwed :)"

K:  "Well at least ur earrings r small! :)  ur funny!!"

Me:  "What i am is ridiculous.  But it's the only way i know how to be :)"

K:  "At least ur honest!! ;)"

Biggest lesson learned in April:  I am way more vain than I thought I was or would like to admit.

But I am a work in progress.

Jesus, keep changing my heart.