Rest

I'm taking a trip down memory lane today, will you come with me?

Seven years ago my brother graduated from LBC.  I can see the photo of our family in my minds eye, unfortunately I can't find it online to share with you.  Someone (probably my mother-in-law) was babysitting my 3 year old daughter and my almost 2 year old son.  We had our 2 month old baby along.

I remember very little of the graduation ceremony except someone sang one of my favorite songs, "In Christ Alone", and someone else mentioned this verse in their speech:  "This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:  "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it."  ~ Isaiah 30:15

Maybe it was because I had just given birth to my 3rd baby in three years but the word "rest" hit me square in the face.  What in the world was that elusive 4 letter word and how do I get some of it?  I'm pretty sure I cried right then and there.

I was t.i.r.e.d. 

I don't remember how the speaker tied the verse to his speech.  And I don't know the context of this verse besides that the Lord is speaking to his rebellious child, Israel.  All I remember is the Spirit whispering the word "rest" to my soul.

I may have snorted.  When you have 3 babies there is little time for rest.  Not even at night.  I don't remember much from those years, they are somewhat of a blur.  But I have lots of photos and I know this one thing:  Larry and I make adorable babies.

Fast forward 3 years.  We added a 4th baby.

Our family now looked like this:

Please excuse Cole, clearly he was not excited about giving up his place as baby of the family.

Four babies in six years.  My life was busy.  But I was living my dream.  I'd always wanted to be a wife and a mother.  There were days I felt so fulfilled and I brimmed with thankfulness for Larry who went to work each day and worked hard to provide for us so I could stay home with the kiddos.  

There were days I wanted to force Larry to trade places with me so I could go to work and GET AWAY FROM THESE KIDS WHO WERE SUCKING THE VERY LIFE OUT OF ME.

There were days I did wash with joy, did dishes with joy, cleaned with joy.  There were days my kids cuddled on the couch with me as we read story after story.

There were days I did wash feeling under-appreciated, did dishes feeling under-appreciated, cleaned feeling under-appreciated.  There were days I spent with someone else's throw-up, urine, and (excuse me) crap on me.

Being the mother of young children is not for the faint of heart.

All you mommas who are in the thick of it right now, I applaud you!  Don't feel bad when your emotions swing from I-can't-imagine-being-able-to-love-this-little-person-anymore-than-I-do-right-now to GET-THIS-CHILD-AWAY-FROM-ME-FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-EVERYTHING-HOLY!!!!!  You are not alone.

I now understand why my mom used to lock herself in the bathroom.

Fast forward 4 more years.  Our family now looks like this:

Things are still busy but it's a different kind of busy.  Some things are easier to do without babies but some things are harder.  My emotions still swing from  I-can't-imagine-being-able-to-love-this-little-person-anymore-than-I-do-right-now to GET-THIS-CHILD-AWAY-FROM-ME-FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-EVERYTHING-HOLY!!!!!

Rest is still an elusive 4 letter word.  

Next week I will get to do a lot of resting.  Vacation is good for that.  But that means this week requires extra effort.

My life would be in shambles without my lists.  Side note:  the above lists are all about food.

I'm doing everything in a hurry.  My mom says she remembers her dad adding the word "hurry" to everything they were supposed to do.  "Hurry up and...".  There is much to be done and so we hurry.

At the beginning of this year I spent a Sunday morning at home while Larry and the kids went to church.  It was quiet, peaceful, holy.  I felt the Spirit impress two words on my heart for 2014.

Slow.

Deliberate.

Bahahaha, God, that's a funny joke.

Except it wasn't a joke.  Somehow I was supposed to incorporate these 2 words into everyday life.  Into everything I do.  We are now half way thru the year.  Can I tell you?  I'm failing miserably.  There are weeks that go by that I don't think even once about those two words that are supposed to be my mantra for the year.

But there are also times do remember.  I can tell I am changing.  

Is there something you can do slow and deliberate today?  Is there anything the Spirit is impressing on you?  I'd love to hear about it.