Today is my first born's birthday.  It's a day that always makes me feel contemplatey.  And also weepy.  I mean, holy moly, I remember the day Jessie was born like it was yesterday.  Except it wasn't yesterday.  It was 14 years ago.  

I just shook my head as I typed "14 years ago".  There's no way she's that old.  And yet the candles on the cake don't lie.

And what is this grown up, fancy pants cake she picked?  It's gorgeous, just like her.  But I feel like I should be making that pink castle cake again, the one I made her when she turned five and had a princess party.

When she turned five she had three friends overnight; Emma, Mckenzie, and Hannah.  Those same three girls (plus four more) spent the night here last night as well.  Their volume level (loud) hasn't changed much in nine years but their topics of conversation have.  They are clearly growing up and they are turning into beautiful thoughtful women.  I had a great time making them a fancy breakfast.

Sausage and pancakes with all the toppings.  And when I say 'all' I mean all.  We had regular pancake syrup, chocolate syrup, caramel syrup, regular butter, peanut butter, and apple butter.  Condiments make the world go 'round.

As I was setting the fancy table I thought about how grateful I am to have a daughter.  Of course I love my sons to the moon and back, don't hear anything else.  But it was so fun to make the table pretty because I knew the girls would appreciate it.  The boys enjoy the good food, there is no doubt about it.  But they (and their friends) don't oh and ah about the pretty little extras.  It was delightful to have a table full of girls this morning.

Which got me thinking about the other women in my life.  My (almost) 36 years have been marked by a plethora of wonderful women.  Some older than me, some younger.  Some related to me by blood, some by marriage.  Some whom I rarely see any more, some whom I see almost daily.  

There's one little lady who has been on my mind almost constantly since Tuesday morning.  My brand new niece, Esme.  OH.MY.GOODNESS.

She showed up three weeks early, taking us all by surprise.  Here is how I looked when my brother let me know she was on the way.

Babies always make me cry.

Esme showed up just after midnight on Wednesday.  Jessie was born on a Wednesday.

Esme came with a full head of hair.  So did Jessie.

Esme was born on a day it snowed.  So was Jessie.

Esme surprised us by coming early.  So did Jessie.

Esme was born in March to a mama who was also born in March.  They are both first borns.  The story of Jessie and her mama is the same.

These cousins born 14 years apart have a lot in common already.

WOULD YOU JUST LOOK AT HER!!  HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING CUTER??

I also thought about the fact that both these girls were born to mamas who thought their motherhood journeys were going to start earlier.

The road to motherhood is sometimes littered with broken dreams.  Miscarriage, infertility, failed adoptions.  I'll never understand why God allows these things.  They make me angry.  I've railed against God because of these things.  Maybe you have too.  Maybe you've shook your fist at heaven and cried with the Psalmist "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?  Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent."

The Psalmist knew how to be real with God.  But he also knew that God was bigger than his circumstances.  The Psalm above ends with these words: "Posterity will serve him; future generations will be told about the Lord.  They will proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn--for he has done it."

In the dark times it's hard to believe in God's faithfulness.  

In a very simplistic way it's like when the weather man tells me during the 6:00am news that the sun will come out in the afternoon.  That's all well and good but right at the moment there are gray clouds and NO FRICKIN' SUN.  I feel stuck and limited to what I see.  

But if I pay attention I realize that the weather man's prediction sounds a lot like John 16:33. "In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world."

It may look like ugly gray clouds now, but the sun is coming!

Holding a new born baby makes it easy to believe God is for us.  That He brings redemption.  That there really can be beauty from ashes.  I've seen it again and again in my life and in the lives of people I love.  I've seen it too often for it to be a coincidence.  No matter what your gray sky is please believe that the Son is coming.

Jesus is for you.  Jesus can redeem you.  Jesus can make beauty from your ashes.  Will you trust him?