Ouch

Lately I've been thinking about pain a lot.  Not the ow-I-stubbed-my-toe-and-now-I-want-to-swear pain but emotional pain.

I am, admittedly, mostly untried in this area.  

I've never known the pain of parents divorcing (way to go, Mom and Dad!  34 years and going strong).

I've never known the pain of a boyfriend breaking up with me.

I've never known the pain of losing a loved one to an early unexpected death.

Well, that last one is not entirely true.

The worst emotional pain I've ever experienced was when I miscarried my first baby.  Close to Mother's day.  I'm not going to down play it, it was terrible.  This little person that I never got to hold in my arms, gone.  11 years later I am sitting here crying as I think about it.

But your pain is different than mine.  Perhaps you've never had a miscarriage but you've had other pain.

Divorce.

Infertility.

Break ups.

Losing loved ones.

Financial hardship.

Losing your job.

Cancer.

Abuse.

Sometimes life just straight up sucks.  And we're left holding the broken pieces of our dreams and wondering why and hoping that we will feel happiness again...someday.

And where is God in all of this?  

That's a question I wrestle with whenever I am brought to tears by someone else's pain.

Jesus, can't you just make it all better?

There is one thing I know for sure:  God is able to handle all of our emotions.  All you have to do is read the Psalms to know that God wants the real you.  From your joy to your despair, talk to Him about it.

"Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, from everlasting to everlasting.  Let all the people say, "Amen!"  Praise the Lord."  ~Psalm 106:48

"The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead.  So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed."  ~Psalm 143:3-4

If God didn't want to hear about it when you are in pain then I don't think he would have included verses like Psalm 143:3-4.  Maybe you don't feel you can talk about it with anyone else (altho I would encourage you to try!) but you can be raw and honest with God.

In the New Testament we read about Jesus weeping when his friend Lazarus died.  Jesus knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead and yet he still wept when he was told of Lazarus' death.  That blows my mind.   But maybe it shouldn't.  God is the creator of our emotions.  Shouldn't he be able to deeply feel the same things we do?

Ok, that just really blew my mind.

Maybe, just maybe, when I cry, Jesus cries.

If I have the gift of compassion and cry with other people when they hurt than doesn't it follow that the Author of compassion would cry with me when I hurt?

This is getting long and it's getting late and I don't want to get rambley.  

I think what I'm trying to say is this:  sometimes life is hard.  Don't be afraid to rawly tell God exactly how you feel, he knows anyway.  You can't fool him.  And don't be surprised when Jesus cries with you.  He loves you so much.  Trust him with your heart, he's the only one who can heal it.