Stillness

Yesterday morning I spent 30 minutes as a Human Being.  This morning I spent 20 minutes as a Human Being.

Now, I know what you are thinking "Isn't she always a human being?  She is so weird.  Why do I read her blog?"

Ok, maybe you are not so mean in your thoughts about me.  In fact, you are probably very nice in your thoughts but you are still wondering about the Human Being thing.  Let me invite you into the jumbled thoughts that are my brain. 

 I spend the majority of my time as a Human Doing.  If you are a mother, or you have a mother, or you ever observed a mother you know that there is a lot to Do.  The house doesn't clean itself, the food doesn't cook itself, the laundry doesn't wash itself (AH!  Laundry!  I need to throw some in, be right back).  Thank the good Lord for the invention of the washing machine!  Anyway, you get my point.  Everyday is filled to the edges and overflowing with things to DO.  And with the advent of Pinterest (which I love by the way) it's become apparent that there are a lot more things I could be doing!  

But what does the Word of God say?  My thoughts immediately go to the Proverbs 31 woman.  With whom I have a love/hate relationship.  I love her because I want to be her.  I hate her because I fall so short.  I want to make gagging faces behind her back.  I mean, come on!!  Did she never have PMS and eat chocolate all day?  Did she never get so tired of her children fighting that she screamed at them?  Did she never justify a day of laying on the couch reading a novel?  WAS SHE A REAL WOMAN?  If Proverbs 31 is based on a real woman, I believe (without a shadow of a doubt) that she had bad days.  She messed up.  She had limitations.  She struggled.  But she was a woman who feared the Lord.  "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom;" ~Psalm 111:10a  To be a Proverbs 31 woman takes time. And let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start), with fearing the Lord.

How do we 'fear the Lord' and what does that even mean?  The word 'fear' has a negative connotation in my mind.   If I am fearful about something I worry about it.  I blow it out of proportion.  I don't like the feeling of fear.  Does God want me to feel this negative feeling about Him?  If you have a great insight on this I would love to hear it!  My thoughts are that the way this word 'fear' is used is something like awe, respect, and reverence rolled into one.  

And that feeling swept over me yesterday morning and this morning as I took the time to just be.  I'm not gonna lie, it was hard.  To just sit.  Now, doesn't that sound stupid?  But I think you get me.  I felt called to just sit on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, sipping hot coffee laced with caramel, and watch the sunrise.  It was beautiful and magnificent and hard.  Because I was struggling to put out of my mind all the things that need doing today.  My desk was (and still is) piled with papers, the laundry basket overflowing, stuff needing packed for a weekend away, food to be made, kids who would soon be waking up demanding attention.  I struggled to put all that out of my mind and just be.  "Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalm 46:10  God spoke to me in the sunrise as I sat in my dark house listening only to the sounds of the refrigerator hum and ticking clock.  He painted love, joy, peace in hot pink, smoky purple, butter yellow, tangerine, and brilliant orange.  And I thought "Why doesn't the whole world stop for the sunrise?"  

So what I am desiring most in my life is balance.  Balance between the doing and the being.  We've got work to do and we are called to do it well ("So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Cor 10:31)  We were also made for stillness.  "In repentance and rest is your salvation."  Isaiah 30:15a

Can you trust Jesus, just for today, to show you when to do and when to simply be?  I hope you will.

Inked

This is the blog post I've been dying to publish.  Mostly because I love surprises.  But also because I love to do things that people don't expect me to do.  I'm not gonna lie, I really enjoy the wow-I-can't-believe-you-did-that look on people's faces.  Don't put me in a box!  Anyway, back to my surprise...

I GOT A TATTOO.

There it is, do you believe it?  I don't blame you if you don't.  My own mother didn't believe it.  She thought it was a stick on.  Maybe she'll believe it when she reads this post (whaddaya think now, mom?).  Here's how it came about:

Once upon a time (last summer) in a land far way (Hershey Park) a beautiful young damsel (me) noticed that 99% of the other inhabitants of the land had tattoos.  And she didn't want to be left out so she ran to the nearest tattoo parlor and got something slapped on.

The first sentence is true (except there was no official poll done to prove the accuracy of the statistic).  The second is not even close to truth.  Firstly, I (mostly) don't care what people think of me so I wouldn't get a tattoo just to fit in.  Secondly, I am wise enough to know that you don't get just anything tattooed on your body.  This is permanent, people!  And not cheap.  So don't do it just to do it.

After being at Hershey Park and seeing all those tattoos (some very cute and some VERY disturbing) the idea really started to grow on me.  I knew exactly what I wanted and where I wanted it.  In May I told Larry I would like a tattoo for my birthday which is in March.  I was looking for a shocked expression but in true Larry fashion there was little to no reaction.  This is what I got instead: "As long as you earn the extra money for it".  Um, ok, I'll do it then.  I set about putting a little cash back each week in my envelope marked "tattoo".   In June I asked my good friend, Rachael, if she would go with me.  I had no idea how to go about this and Rachael has a pretty little tattoo above her ankle.  And we share the same birthday so we really should celebrate together!  She was super excited and surprised (it made up for Larry's non-reaction).  I was so happy that she would come with me.  But a few weeks later I decided that March was taking too long to get here.  So I texted Rachael and asked if we could go for our half-birthday.  She was more than willing.

So on Sept 10 we drove into the city and walked into a building where we were extremely out of place.   But I left with what I wanted and was extremely pleased about it.  And Rachael left with the knowledge that I can really talk a lot if I have to :)

And now you are thinking, "What is it?  Stop blathering on and on and post a photo!"

There it is.  This word "redeemed" has been rolling around my heart for a very long time.  I think it is one of the loveliest words I know.  "For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect."  ~1 Peter 1:18-19  Jesus redeemed my life and yours by sacrificing his very own!  If that doesn't get you excited then you best be checking your pulse.  The only reason my life is worth anything is because Jesus washed over the ugliness of it with his blood.  I can't earn this redemption.  All I can do is accept the fact that I am a sinner saved by grace alone.  Jesus took the punishment that was meant for me so that I could be saved.  And he did it for you too.  Trust him with your life, let him wash you in his blood.  Sing with me at the top of your lungs "I've been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, filled with the Holy Ghost I am.  All my sins are washed away, I've been REDEEMED!!"

Getting in the Groove

I realized yesterday that it's been awhile since I wrote a blog post.  We've mainly been trying to get into this new school schedule groove.  It's taking longer than I want it to.  I like to blame it on the school schedule.  In the first 3 weeks of the school year there is no week that the kids go 5 days.  So it's not until the 4th week that it really feels real.  And I say 'Let's get on with it already!"

So while my big kids are gone during the day, here is a peak at some of what Jake and I have been doing.  (By the way, if any of you are looking for a hilarious conversationalist you can borrow Jake for the day.  But then I want him back.  He really is so funny!)

With Larry's awesome digging skills (I'm trying to encourage him. He said we're never planting potatoes again...) we picked this wheelbarrow full of potatoes.   It was like Christmas morning for Jake every time Larry turned over a shovelful of dirt. "OH!  'Nother 'tato!!".  It was super cute.  And who can resist laughing at this potato:

No caption is really needed.  If you don't get it I feel sorry for you.

We hosted the Lickity Split employee picnic at our house in August.  We cooked our supper in that big pot and then dumped it out on the table.  It was delish.  I'm not sure who ate the butt potato but it was in there :)  We played games until it was dark and then watched a movie outside.  It was a fabulous night with wonderful people.  Everyone hugged me before they left and I loved it.

Jake loves to mess up help in the kitchen!  Here we are making tomato juice with romas from our tomato plants.  We froze the juice to use in spaghetti sauce making which happened this week.  There are, sadly, no photos of that.  It was kind of a crazy day, right, Crysti?

We babysat this wild and crazy girl and I kept her alive the whole time!  If you don't know her, this is my niece, Riley.  Now, I know she is nuts because I have the privilege of spending time with her and I love her to death.  But I am not usually completely in charge of her, I am generally with her mother too.  Tiana likes to tell me that every day she keeps Riley alive is a miracle.  It's a true story.  Nothing major happened on the day I kept her except that she fell face first in the creek when we went to Boehringer's for lunch.  She didn't even care.  I was exhausted by the time we returned her to her rightful owners.

The most recent thing we've been up to is picking these gems from our garden!  This summer has gone so fast and I am mourning the ending of it but I really love fall and decorating for it.  I don't have pics yet but my porch looks awesome as of yesterday :)

I hope you've enjoyed this peak at my everyday life.  I like to say if my life was an ice cream flavor it would be 'vanilla'.  It's pretty plain but I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything.  And there are plenty of people I love who add a little nuttiness when plain vanilla gets too boring :)  

Grace and Peace to you all!

Unsettled

This time of year as become synonymous with that word for me.  School starts tomorrow so our schedule (or lack thereof) is about to change drastically.  My work schedule will change as well.  The sun is setting earlier and coming up later.  I know the weather will change soon too.  And there are days (like yesterday and today) when all this change is just too much for this girl.  I want to freeze time.  I want things to stay the same.  I want to clutch, hold tight, stamp my feet and scream "NO!".  My babies are growing up and I know that is good and right but it's happening so fast.

And then there are days when it's not happening fast enough.  Days where I long for peace and quiet.  Days where I can't take any more whining.  Days when everything I get done gets undone.  I fantasize about when it will just be Larry and I again.  When we will actually be able to have a conversation while eating supper.  When we will be able to have a motorcycle again (SUPER excited for this one!).  When we will be able to travel.

How do you deal with all the unsettled thoughts?  Blogging helps me.  Crying seems to be a good release.  But the best?  Talking to Jesus.  He's whispered to me that all this unsettledness is to keep me uncomfortable.  Because this world is NOT my home.  Peter calls us "aliens and strangers in the world".  It's easy for me to lose my heavenly focus when everything is "normal".  It takes seasons of unsettledness to remember that my time on Earth is short.  What am I doing about it?  Am I following God's leading in my life?  Am I listening to the Holy Spirit when he suggests how to be a better wife, mother, friend, sister, or daughter?  Am I pointing people to Jesus?

Today I am choosing to embrace the unsettledness.  If it drives me to Jesus it is a good thing.  As much as I want to, I cannot handle life on my own.  I need HIM.  And you do too. 

Blessings

I wish I knew how to rotate photos on here.  Since I don't, just turn your head.

*See above.

*See above, above.

Early morning is my favorite.  Unless I spend it in bed.  The recipe for a stressful day is to stay in bed until my kids are awake.  This is what happened yesterday and I didn't like the end product.  I was stressed and snappy.  I didn't deal well with whining (there seemed to be an extra amount of that yesterday) and I felt overwhelmed and defeated.  I was the kind of person I hate to be around.  And maybe you noticed...you can't get away from yourself.  By the time Larry came home I was so ready to escape to work.  Except I didn't want to leave him.  I wanted us to run away together.  So there were tears as I gave quick instructions for supper, gave him a hug and kiss, and ran out the door to the truck he had left running.  Hurried.  Unrestful.  Without Peace.  The complete opposite of how I feel this morning.

Ah, this morning!  I woke up and swung out of bed *almost* right away.  Pants, sweatshirt, coffee, bible, porch, sunrise.  Six things to make the world a better place.  Seven if you add in 4 sleeping kids.  I opened 'Jesus Calling' and the first sentence was "Meet Me in early morning splendor."  Wow.  And the next "I eagerly await you here."  What?!  Jesus, who knows how ugly of a person I was yesterday still eagerly awaits me.  Excuse me while I clear my throat and wipe my eyes.    "In the stillness of this holy time with Me, I renew your strength and saturate you with Peace."  Yes, please, I need it.  

"I am not a dour God who discourages pleasure.  I delight in your enjoyment of everything that is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable.  Think on these things, and My Light in you will shine brighter day by day."  Philippians 4 is packed full of awesomeness.

The photos at the beginning of this blog post are some of the things that I find lovely.  They draw me to the Creator.  And with my beginning thoughts of the day centered on Him I can tell it's going to be a great day!

Running (and other things I'm not good at)

1. Running (duh, it's in the title)
2. Talking to people I don't know (this depends on my social retardation level for the day)
3. Talking to people I do know (see above)
4. Hair, nails, makeup
5. Cleaning my house once a week
6. Keeping my garden weeded
7. Dancing (Go ahead and giggle at the mental picture of me dancing, i just did!)
8. Most things technology related
9. Spelling

This is just the short list of things I don't do well.  Now before you think I am down in the dumps and you think I think I can't do anything well:  here's a list of things I AM good at.

1. Cooking (if you know me well you are not surprised that this is at the top of my list!)
2. Hospitality (this doesn't seem to go hand in hand with numbers 2 & 3 in the first list but I think I may have split personalities)
3. Mothering (ok, there is a risk here of sounding like I have it all together.  I DO NOT.)
4. Writing
5. Speaking to large groups of people (also something that doesn't jive with numbers 2 & 3)
6. Singing (but you'd never know it 'cuz I get super nervous singing in front of people.)
7. Organization
8. Wearing big jewelry (I know I'm reaching here but I want my lists to be even!)
9. Laughing

So there you have it: 9 things I am not good at and 9 things I am good at.  But what I really want to focus on is running.

Running tops my list of things I am not good at.  Maybe that is because of all the things I listed, running is something I really want to be good at. 

 I have never been athletic.  In high school when we had to run the mile for gym class I could never do it.  I always ended up walking.  It wasn't until I was almost 30 years old that I ran my first continuous mile.  And what a feeling of euphoria I had after that!  When I started running I could only go .3 of a mile before I had to walk.  So a whole continuous mile felt amazing!  I slowly added more distance. 

 And I kept thinking, 'It HAS  to get easier'.  And some days were easier than others.  But it was always hard.  It still is.  I remember praying in the early days of my running, "Jesus, it will get easier, right?"  And in the quiet of my heart (I could still hear it over the gasping for air) I heard "Will you still run even if it doesn't?"  I had to think long and hard about the answer to that.  

By nature I am a perfectionist.  What this boils down to for me is if I can't do it right the first time, I don't want to do it.  I don't like feeling like a failure.  So if I can't do it right the first time...I don't do it.  In Hebrews 12:1 you can read the words "..and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."  The author was not necessarily talking about physical running, but about living your life.  With perseverance.  Perseverance.  This means pressing on even if it's hard.  No whining.  No complaining.  Get up when you fall (and I have...twice :) ).  Keep going.  Pray your way thru.  Fix your eyes on Jesus.

 I recently watched someone run at the rec and it looked so effortless.  He looked as if he could run forever and never get tired.  Now, I know that is not the case.  The book of Isaiah says that "even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall."  But, wow!, to be able to run like that young man! 

I have dear friends and family members who have run half marathons and run them well.  13.1 miles.  HOLY COW!   I often struggle to run my whole measly 2 miles.  Wow, to be able to run like them! 

And then I remember: "Comparison is the thief of joy"  ~Theodore Roosevelt.  I believe those word to be true.  If I fix my eyes on the young man at the rec or my family and friends I feel like a failure.  But if I fix my eyes on Jesus and turn my heart toward what He has called me to do I can hold my head high.

For me running is a form of exercise and some time to myself.  But more importantly, God is using it to teach me life lessons.  And for that reason alone I will keep running!

So, if on any given afternoon you are driving thru Terre Hill, you may see me in my pink shorts chugging along.  I'm most likely listening to TobyMac, mentally writing my next blog post, and/or praying.  I might even be walking because sometimes it's just too hard.  But I'm learning perseverance and to fix my eyes on Jesus "the author and perfecter of my faith".  To Him be the glory in whatever I do whether I am good at it or not!

Into the Great Unknown

OK, maybe that's a bit of an extreme title.  I'm not leaving the country.  I'm not leaving the state.  Heck, I'm not even leaving my house.  I'm...starting a blog.  Something I know next to nothing about.  And yet, something I have a great desire to do.  Because life makes more sense when I write things down.  To Do lists, Grocery lists, Thoughts about Life.  I don't like clutter.  Around the house or inside my brain, it's all bad.  Writing is the mental equivalent to picking up around my home.  Ah, I feel better already!

And yet I don't.  The perfectionist inside me says "You don't know what you are doing with a blog!  You don't know how to use emoticons!  You are a bad speller!  You won't be able to post as often as you want to!  You don't know how to add photos!  You don't know what you are doing!  RETREAT!!!!"  It's time to tell the perfectionist to shut up.  Nothing is perfect this side of Heaven and my life would be a WHOLE LOT less stressful if I could let my expectations slip a little bit.  I can be my own worst enemy.

That being said, I am giving myself grace to learn about the whole blogging thing as I go.  If you choose to come along with me and read my ramblings, I hope you will too!  Expect to hear stories about my kids, my husband, my kitchen, and my Jesus.  I'd love to hear about your thoughts too, please comment!

Oh, and if you have any great blogging tips I'd be thrilled to hear those as well :)