Six Weeks and Three Days

That's how long it's been since I've blogged.  

I went for a walk today.  An unhurried, easy, delightful walk.  I followed the same path I walked the last time I blogged.  And I thought about the things I said then.

How that season was feeling difficult.  How I was longing for mid-September when we would be settled into a routine.

And I thought about the things I know now.

That this season is still feeling difficult.  That mid-September came and went and I didn't feel settled into a routine.

And I thought about some words that my very wise daughter turned into word art.

"Live in the moment because it is impossible to go into the past or into the future."

I thought about the recent past.  How I've done a lot of things.  How I've longed to be doing less.

I thought about the near future.  How the calendar looks empty.  How happy I feel about that.

I thought about the moment I was in.  How beautiful the landscape was.  The grass still green, the sky so blue, the leaves so brilliant.  How much I loved the music playing in my ears.  The picking of strings, the blending of voices, the beat of drums.

I thought about how these still, ordinary, sacred moments recharge me for the blurry, crazy, loud moments that are part of every day.

This month my calendar included 3 cross country races (Cole), 4 field trips (1 with Jessie, 1 with Jake, and 2 with Cole), and 8 football games (Kye) in addition to all the regular life stuff.  Honestly, I enjoy all these things.  Watching races and football games are so fun.  And field trips give me one on one time with my kids that is hard to carve out at other times.

But being so busy, even with fun activities, is draining for me.  Today I got something I've been longing for.

Alone time.

Two and a half hours all to myself.  Time where I didn't have to be anyone's mother, wife, friend, or employee.  I could just be Tara.

So I walked and thought.  I uploaded pictures and cleaned up the kitchen.  I wrote parts of this blog post in my mind.  I felt myself breathe.

And I was grateful.  For my boss who rearranged the schedule so I don't have to work on Thursdays.  For my coworkers who switched positions to fill in the schedule on Thursdays.  For the wonderful teachers at my kids school who keep them away from me for hours everyday.  For my husband who works hard to support our family.  For my friends who understand my need for space.  For the moments, busy and still, that I've enjoyed this month.

That last one is from Cole's field trip this week.  We did a walking tour of Lancaster.  It's the third time I've been on this field trip and I love it every time.  I blogged about it last year too.

Cole loves taking pictures and so I let him have free reign with the camera.  I am so thankful we live in the land of digital pictures.  He took approximately 10,000 photos.  Including selfies.

And mom shots...

He seemed to really love the historical signs.

I actually really enjoyed looking at his photos.  It's interesting to see things from an 8 year old boy's point of view.

And then there were these statues.  They are in the one church we toured.  They creep me out every year.  I'm not sure why.

The last one especially.  Shudder.

Cole must have really enjoyed the fountain.

I thoroughly enjoy the fact that he took a picture of his shadow.

There were a few times Cole relinquished control of the camera.

Overall, it was a gorgeous day to be out walking.  Just like today.  And last Thursday.

Last week I went on an overnight camping trip with Jessie's class.

Yeah.  

We slept in a tent.  

On the ground.  

Which felt like rocks.  

Because it probably was.

But other than that it was perfectly delightful.  On Wednesday we did a stream study at French Creek.

While the kids were in the water, I took pictures of things that caught my attention.

I thought the pattern of this root system was so pretty.  And there was something so striking about my niece's shoes in the middle of it.

The leaves were so beautiful.  Up high and on the ground.

On Thursday we took a hike around the lake.

It was stunning.  I always forget how much I love hiking until I am doing it.  The fresh air, the crunch of leaves, the aloneness.  Even in the group of 23, I felt alone.  And I loved it.

I decided that I am going to take myself hiking every Thursday.  Except for when I don't feel like hiking.  Then I might take myself into the city.  Cuz that was glorious too.

How can I enjoy two things so much that feel like complete opposites?  It just adds fuel to the fire of the thought I have often.

I must have multiple personalities.

Please pray for Larry.  I am so difficult to live with.

So, whether today finds you in the city or the country, I hope you are living in the moment.  I hope your eyes are open to beauty.  I hope you feel your lungs inflate with precious air.  I hope you have time to be still.

And, mostly, I hope you feel the sweet presence of Jesus.

Words and Pictures

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.  I photo documented my day today.  And I have them to share with you.  

But I might also have a thousand words to go with each photo.

Photos and words are the perfect love story.

My day started how many of my days do.

But the unusual beauty of today's cup(s) of coffee was there was no To-Do list waiting at the end.  For realz.  It's Monday and I made zero lists.  Unheard of.  But I wholeheartedly believe in celebrating No Labor Day.

And it was so needed.  I feel like I've been burning the proverbial candle at both ends.  Today was a day of grace and refreshing.

I started reading a new book this morning.  Coffee and books.  Maybe a better love story than photos and words.

Yesterday I hosted the Youndt Family Labor Day Picnic.  My cousin, Nathaniel, brought me this book "Out of Solitude" by Henri J.M. Nouwen.  I love surprises and I love books, so being surprised by the gift of a book was perfectly delightful.  Earlier this summer I had this same experience when a dear friend gave me the book "Bittersweet" by Shauna Niequist for no other reason than they thought I'd enjoy it.  I really do know the best people.

Anyway, I was gripped even from the introduction.  I cannot wait for some more quiet space in which to savor this book.

After coffee and books I thought food thoughts.  But not very many.  Here's what I planned so far for this week's menu:

Suggestions welcomed.

Then I cleaned up a little from last night's party.

While I cleaned up, Jake and I danced to this song.  It's kinda on repeat around here these days.  Jake likes it cuz it's catchy.  As an introvert I like it cuz I'd rather that you bring the good time home to me.

Next, for some reason unknown to mankind, I started dusting the tops of my cupboards.  On NO LABOR DAY.

If you are guessing that I've never cleaned this space in the four years I've lived in this house you would be correct.  If you are guessing my thought process when something like this: "What the heck am I doing?  Nobody sees this.  Why would I waste precious time cleaning something nobody sees?" you would also be correct.

Thank God I came to my senses relatively quickly.

I observed this sweetness:

I organized this mess:

I labored a tiny bit on No Labor Day:

And then I went for a walk.  Which is where the bulk of this post is going to come from.

Uh, yeah, my socks don't match.  Their partners got holes in them and were subsequently tossed out but I can't bring myself to throw out perfectly fine socks so Orange and Purple have now become a happy Sock Couple.  They are different but, hey, it works.

Back to my walk.  I went alone.  I felt myself breathe.  I could hear my thoughts.  No one said "Mom..."

It was perfectly glorious.

As I walked, I noticed some things.  It was like Opposite Day.  Time and again, contrasts caught my attention.

Shadow vs. Light

Town vs. Country

Laundry Flapping In The Breeze vs. Houses Without Wash Lines

Runners vs. Porch Sitters

Friends vs. Strangers

I observed an old house with an upstairs balcony.  Can I just tell you?  Right now I have an obsession with balconies and side porches.  LOVE.  They are part of the character and charm of old houses and one day I want to live in a house that has both.

But.

Almost right across the street from this charming old house was a brand new house.  With an upstairs balcony.  I'm still not sure why this was so striking to me but it gave me pause.  Old and New sharing such a charming feature.  New acknowledging that Old has something worth preserving.  Old delighting in passing on her ways to New.  It feels like a Life Lesson is in there.

Shortly after the balcony moment I made eye contact with a cow.  Living my whole life in Lancaster county, cows are nothing new.  Nothing remarkable.  But as this cow and I locked eyes, she did something.  She turned her head and licked her own spine.  And I was caught off guard by this hilarious thought:  What if people could do that?  Just think about that and try not to smile.

As I moved deeper into the country I saw zinnias, morning glory, and black eyed susans.  They were all still bright with the vividness of summer.  But there were also dried corn stalks, yellowing tobacco leaves, and mums.

In one garden there were watermelons and pumpkins growing together.  

The flowers and watermelons called out "Hold on!  It's still summer!  We are bright and juicy!  We embody long days, no schedule, easy living!"

But the drying crops, mums, and pumpkins had a different message.  "Let go.  Fall is coming.  We embody shorter days, back-to-school, structure."

It's as if my inner struggle is splashed out in gardens and yards and fields.

It's hard for me.  This time of year.  When everything is changing, seasons melting into each other.  I love summer and I love fall.  But the weeks where it is both?  When I'm drowning in a sea of back to school papers and sports schedules and new school routines?  I want to fast forward to mid-September.  When we have everything (mostly) figured out.

But you know what?  It's also beautiful.  This time of year.  When I say to another mama "I don't know how to do this" and she admits to me "I don't either".  And we cry the tears and say the prayers "Sweet Jesus, help us."

I recently read the book "For The Love" by Jen Hatmaker.

The cover says "Fighting for Grace in a world of Impossible Standards."  It was warm, funny, and freeing.  Today, on my walk, I added it to my friend Erin's Little Free Library.  Technically, I left it between her front doors so she can read it first and then it will go in her Little Free Library.  Have you heard of these things? It's such a lovely idea.  Erin has put up a mailbox in front of her house.  In it there are books.  Children's books, teen books, cookbooks.  You are free to take and enjoy them.  Then either return them or pass them on to someone else.

Erin is so cool.  Also, she is a published author and she makes good looking crafts.

After my craft debacle (see my Instagram, madefromscratchwithlove, for more details) she made me this "H".  I was delighted.  I just really know the best people!

When I returned from my walk I sat on the porch and made notes about what I wanted to blog about because, let's be real, my memory's not what it used to be.

Then I assembled and consumed this:

I spent the afternoon lost in this story:

Except for when I was interrupted by this:

I made supper out of leftovers.

Larry (hearing the sound of sizzling oil):  "What are you making?"

Me: "Fried tacos."

Larry: "Sounds...healthy."

Me: "Very."

And then we ended the day with a trip to Fox Meadows Creamery.

My kids are into bunny ears, as this photo evidence shows.  Jake wasn't quite quick enough in the first photo to give the Baked Fox the bunny ears.  And Kye was a little high in giving his root beer float the ears.  Jessie straight up got caught giving the ears.

So, it was really a delightful day.  I heard my thoughts.  I ate delicious food.  I laid on the couch for hours with a book.  I spent time with my peeps.

After this restful departure from "normal" life, I feel ready to face this week.  Walking forward with my fam, hearing the support from my friends, feeling the arms of Jesus.

Change is hard.  But beautiful.  And we can do it.  

By the Grace of God.