Hanging On

I've sat here for a few minutes after typing my title just staring at the blinking cursor.  For once I may be at a loss for words.  And yet I know getting my thoughts out will be therapeutic.  I'm just unsure how to start.

Today I feel like I am just hanging on.  I know some of you are so not ready for your kids to go back to school and that is awesome.  Hang on tight to the last couple of days and soak in your babies.

I, on the other hand, would love to shove my kids on the bus.  Like, yesterday.  Don't get me wrong, I love my kids.  Deeply.  But they are wearing me out.

Oh my goodness.  I just watched this and I laughed until I cried.  Perfect.

This summer has been so full.  Most summers are.  There's a lot going on for all of us.  Vacations, work, pool parties, VBS, day camps, library programs, yard work, gardening, freezing and canning (which, admittedly, I've done 0 of), the list goes on.  

I think what is really burning me out right now is the inability to be alone with my thoughts.  Even as I type this I've told my children several times that I just want to be alone.  Sigh, that's probably not good parenting.  But, my desire is to be real and honest with you guys.  So there you have it, I'm not always a great parent.

Ha!  I just glanced out the patio doors.  Jake is standing on the picnic table with two tennis rackets and the older 3 are throwing around a disgusting soccer ball with the dog.  Whatever.  They're outside.

This summer has also been very emotional.  I've got some dear friends who are walking thru some hard stuff and I've been so honored to hear their hearts.  It's meant some late nights, lots of texts, long hugs, and also some tears.  You guys know who you are.  I love you.  And I'll always exhaust myself for you.  I mean that with all my heart.

So, today I am holding on.  If you have a minute, would you pray for me?  I want to thrive today and not just survive.

And next week when the kids get on the bus?  I might just lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling for a few hours.  Don't judge me.