"Amazing."

"Inspiring."

"Dedicated."

"Awesome."

These words have been spoken in my direction this month.  And while my face smiles and my ego boosts, my heart cringes.  

Do you know?

Do you know the insults I mentally hurl?

Do you know the unkind things I think about myself...and others?

Do you know the crude things that sometimes slip past my lips?

There is One other besides me that knows all these things.  And my heart cringes.  But He whispers "Behold, I have made all things new!"

Not just one time either.  Nope.  "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." ~Lamentations 3:22-23 (emphasis added).

There is one group of people in the Christmas Story that I identify with the most.  "And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night." ~ Luke 2:8

Did you catch that?  They were living out in the fields.  Words that were spoken in their direction might have been some of these:  crusty.  smelly.  uneducated.  simple.  ordinary.

It seems to me that the shepherds might have been on the bottom rung of the importance ladder.   That's why it thrills my soul every time I read what comes next.  "An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them..." ~Luke 2:9

Jesus' birth announcement didn't go out to castles.  Or government officials.  Or college professors.  Or doctors, lawyers, or church leaders.   The first people that God wanted to know about the birth of his son were crusty, smelly, uneducated, simple, ordinary shepherds.  

Why?

I think it's the same reason he picked the Israelites to be his chosen people.  What if he'd chosen a people group who never messed up?  A group of people who followed everything he said down to the very last letter of the law?  Where would that leave us?  Where would that leave me?  Lost and hopeless in my brokenness.  I can't measure up to perfection.  I don't identify with kings, presidents, brain surgeons.  But I surely get crusty.  I'm sometimes smelly.  I've never been to college.  I cook, I clean, I wipe little noses.  Simple and ordinary.

Simple and ordinary shepherds didn't let their lack of social standing or education get in the way, though.  No siree, bob.  They were men of action.  "When the angels had left them and gone into heaven the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."  ~Luke 2:15

No excuses.  The Lord had told them some exciting news and they acted on it.  And were blessed to be among the first people who looked into the face of God, wrapped in a baby's body.  Are your shoes off?  This is holy ground.

They didn't keep this news to themselves, either.  "The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen..."  ~Luke 2:20

I can see it in my minds eye.  The dark starry sky, the narrow Bethlehem streets, the cold night air.  The crazy bearded smelly men running and jumping, unable to contain the joy in their hearts after seeing a baby.  What were their words of praise?  The Bible doesn't tell us.  Use your imagination, it's more fun that way!

The Christmas miracle is Jesus, Immanuel, God with us.  The baby come to set the captives free.  The messiah born to redeem ALL people.  Rich and poor.  Young and old.  Kings and shepherds.

The next time someone speaks encouraging words your way, receive them.  Don't listen to the voice that condemns.  "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  Rejoice in the knowledge that anything good flowing from you is by the power of the Holy Spirit at work within you.  And that crusty stuff?  

Well, Jesus came to redeem that as well.

"Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord!"

Immanuel

This name gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes when I stop and really think about it.  Immanuel.

God with us.

Oh my.  Is there anything more wonderful?

I could stop this blog post right there and it would be enough.  But I have too many other thoughts swirling in the gray matter of my brain so bear with me as I continue.

I have been reading two fabulous books that I would highly recommend to anyone who wants to fight the current of the glitzy, rushed, over-indulgent Christmas that we see everywhere.  "The Women of Christmas" by Liz Curtis Higgs and "The Greatest Gift" by Ann Voskamp.   

Ann's (I like to use her first name, makes me feel like we are friends :) ) book has this quote from her on the back cover: "I don't want a Christmas you can buy.  I don't want a Christmas you can make.  What I want is a Christmas you can hold.  A Christmas that holds me, remakes me, revives me.  I want a Christmas that whispers,  Jesus."

Me too.  To slow down or even *gasp* stop.  To think.  To breathe.  To be.

I'm not gonna lie, I (mostly) enjoy the doing that comes with Christmas.  The lights, the trees, the decorations.  The cookie baking (ok, I am really terrible at making cookies but when the sisters-in-law and the mother-in-law are involved all turns out well), the family gatherings, the parties.  But I SO need the balance of quiet.  Of reading wise words.  Of being still.

With all my heart I want to experience Christmas in a way that honors Christ.  And I want that for my children as well.  Larry and I cringe each time that commercial comes on that says "Get more Christmas!".  It rips at my soul.  There are children dying each day because they don't have enough to eat or are drinking dirty water or are getting bit by mosquitos.  And American commercialism is trying to teach my children that they need MORE.  MORE toys, MORE electronics, MORE, MORE, MORE!!!  It makes my eyes leak.

This morning I read this: 

"I am more sinful and flawed than I ever dared believe, more loved and welcomed than I ever dared hope." ~ Elyse M. Fitzpatrick

"...live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."  ~Ephesians 5:2

"Who needs more than being loved to death?"  ~Ann Voskamp

I'd love to know the ways you, my dear friends, are fighting the current this Christmas season.

Drink deep of the quiet.  Find time to be still.  Hug your family.

Immanuel

God with us.

Waiting

It's hard, isn't it?  Waiting.  We live in a time of RIGHT NOW.

You want it?  Go get it!!

You don't have the money?  Charge it!!

What about the consequences tomorrow?  Who cares?  We might not have tomorrow!!

If it's delicious, eat it.  If it goes down smooth, drink it.  If it feels good, do it.  If you want it, get it.  Don't count the cost.  Don't think about the repercussions.  Instant gratification.

Today started out as a normal day.  Monday.  I love it.  No sarcasm, I really do!

Jesus Calling, coffee, sunrise, 1 son up before the sunrise.  Emails, facebook, wake the other kids.   Hugs, chores, breakfast.

TEARS

The crime: 

The perp: 

The victim: 

*I realize this would be more powerful if he was crying.  Use your imagination.*

This son spends hours  throwing football with his dad.  And he's good.  The most athletic of the 4 wild animals I gave birth to.  He was heartbroken to see his dog chewing his beloved football.  My big 8 year old cried.  It wasn't the annoying-get-over-it-already-it's-your-fault-for-leaving-it-out crying I can't stand and have no compassion for.  It was the snuffling-oh-he's-trying-really-hard-not-to-cry-but-he-can't-help-it crying that breaks this mother's heart.  

I wanted to fix it.  I knew I could fix it.  You see, there is a brand new football on my closet shelf waiting for Christmas morning.  The football we (and by "we" I mean Larry and the kids) use is old.  It doesn't hold air like it should.  And now it is chewed.

My mother's heart wanted to run upstairs, grab that brand-spanking-new football and stop the tears.  I would have done it too if it hadn't been for that still small voice I *sometimes* listen to.

"Wait."

Really, Lord?!  I've got a heartbroken boy here, I want to fix it.  NOW.

Oh.

Do I want my son to be like so many people I see today?

Credit cards maxed out.  House overflowing with too much stuff.  Children to different women.  Heart always yearning for MORE.

"That's quite a jump," you may say.  "Do you really think giving a new toy to stop tears leads to multiple sexual partners?"

Maybe not.  But if today I don't help my son learn to wait for what he wants, how will he know how to wait when he is a teenager?  An adult?

The things I am teaching my children today have a lasting impression on their future.

That thought brings me to me knees.  And well it should, because this is not something I can do in my own strength or wisdom.  It takes the Lord's strength and wisdom and that's what I ask for while I am on my knees.

So the football waits patiently on my closet shelf for Christmas.

And my son learns that "weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."

It's Friday!

Here's a quick funny to start your weekend :)

This morning was one of those rare mornings where I actually got up when my alarm went off.  Now, before you judge me, know this:  it's not like I'm lazing in bed until 8:00 or 9:00.  My alarm goes off at 5:00.  Generally I get up by 6:00.

                            *Ahem, now that I've justified myself, back to the story.*

Anyway, I got the coffee pot started and checked my email and facebook.  Returned an email to my Grandma and some other people.  Read two blog posts, a bunch of status updates, yada yada.  And the coffee pot happily gurgled and popped in the background.  

So after I was caught up on all the important social media stuff, I got up to pour myself some nice hot coffee.  I turned from the computer toward the coffee pot...and cracked up.  Turns out I didn't add any coffee grounds!  I wish I would have taken a picture to post here of my pot of...hot water.

Ok, blog post done, the real coffee is ready!  I hope you have a fabulous weekend filled with many cups of strong coffee.

Light

This is the morning view from my parent's front porch.  Stunning.  Awe inspiring.  Heart-stirring.

*side note:  see the tree in the right hand  corner?  when my family moved to this house that tree was a little stick.  i remember hauling 5 gallon buckets of water to it.  my other clear memory of this tree is backing into it in my husband's truck on my sister's wedding day.  good times.  now, back to your regularly scheduled blog post.

So, 3 pictures, all on different days, all equally amazing.  I'm glad my dad sees fit to take pictures of the sunrise and post them on Facebook so I can steal use them on my blog.  

I have an amazing view of the sunrise at my house too, I just have 0 pictures to prove it.  When I look out my front windows in the morning I can see the sun coming up over the hills.  It always makes me think of this verse: 

The painter of the morning sky is my help.  The one who creates beauty for all to see is the same one who is creating beauty in me.  

That's a great thought but I'm heading down a rabbit trail.  Back to sunrises...and sunsets.

Sunset photo credit to Karen Youndt

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.  Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge.  There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.  Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world." ~ Psalm 19:1-4

Seeing a sunrise or a sunset never ceases to invoke praise in my spirit.  So beautiful, so stirring, so only for this world. 

 Only for this world.  

This thought occurred to me recently.  The beauty of the sunrises and sunsets is only for now.  Not for heaven.  Not for eternity.  Revelation chapter 21 says "there will be no night there."  If there is no night, no darkness, there can be no beauty of the rising or setting sun.  Revelation also says "The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp."  So, no darkness and also...no sun.

At first I felt sad.  I love to see the crazy colors of the sun in the morning.  The vibrancy of the setting sun in the evening.  No more of that in heaven?  But wait!  "the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp"  

If God can make a burning ball of gas stir so many glorious thoughts in my soul, what will happen when I see Jesus face to face?  Instant tears prick my eyes as I consider that thought.  I can only imagine.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEW_xenfaz0

Masks

Several thoughts occur to me at once as I look at this picture.

1.  I love that girl so much (it's my niece, Riley)

2.  She is super naughty

3.  I like my hair

4.  I have a lot of crows feet smile lines around my eyes

5.  I am good at wearing masks

This photo was taken the day that I posted that status about being a professional hermit.  My mind was an angry ocean of crashing waves full of thoughts of everything I needed to do.  My body was tense with being in a big crowd of people, most of whom I did not know.  And here it is, documented, that I was...smiling.  

Maybe it's because I knew my aunt was snapping the picture (shout out to Aunt Karen Youndt for photo credit!).  Or maybe it's because it's easier to lie about my well being with the expression on my face than it is to tell someone how I really truly feel.  Because that would be admitting that I don't have it all together.  That would make me look weak.  That would damage my pride.  Dang that pride.

Last winter I struggled against depression.  Not to the point that I felt I needed medicated (altho I certainly believe that has it's place!) but I knew I needed prayer.  The Lord ordained it so that after church, before Sunday School, during our coffee/fellowship time, I started talking with a woman I hold in the highest regard.  A woman so sweet she drips sugar wherever she goes. And not that fake kind of sweet like some people but real genuine, I-wanna-know-what's-going-on-with-you sweet.  A woman who hugs me each Sunday because one time we talked about how each of us has physical touch for our love language.  A woman with a southern accent (all you Weaverlanders know who she is now :) ), a contagious laugh, and a huge heart.

I shared my feelings of depression with her.  She cried with me and prayed for me.  In the weeks afterward I got a card from her in the mail and also several emails checking on how I was doing.  I felt so loved and blessed by this dear woman.  I would have forfeited those blessings if I'd kept my mask firmly in place and insisted I was fine.  

The moral of the story is this:  find somebody to drop your mask with.  Somebody you trust, somebody you know will love you no matter what, and, most importantly, somebody who will pray for you.

And for my closing thought:  I'm actually kind of happy for those crows feet smile lines.  Read this:  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2272240/Smile-Crows-feet-make-look-clever-attractive.html

I've been MIA from the blogosphere.  And I feel like my head is about to explode from all the thoughts trapped in there that haven't made it out into print.  Writing is so therapeutic for me!

So, the reason I have been missing is that I was just simply too busy.  Now, with a husband, 4 kids, a house, a job, church activities, extended family, and friends I am always busy.  But for 2 weeks I kicked it into high gear, thinking I could do more than I really could.  The result?  Burnout.  Stress.  A permanent furrow between my eyebrows (I think it's gone now).  I posted this as my facebook status: "i am seriously considering becoming a professional hermit." — feeling anti-social.   

I intended to make people laugh with that status but it was also the truth.  The same day I posted that I skipped girl's night.  If you know me well you know how big of a deal that is.  I didn't have plans.  I just wanted to be home.  

I didn't even want to go to church.  There are so many people there.  So much noise.  I wanted to be under a blanket on my couch with only my husband and kids around.  My energy was utterly depleted.  

I even cried on my way to work one day.  It's very rare for me to cry because of my own life circumstances.  You tell me something that's hard in your life and I'll bawl my eyes out.  But for myself?  Hardly ever.

In the midst of all this I heard my mom say to someone "Yeah, today she's not the super woman you read about on facebook!"  She was just joking around but, ouch!  my ego.  Excuse me while I go repair my pride.  Pride.  That's what it all comes down to.

Pride is my biggest sin, a major stumbling block in my life.  Why was my life so busy for those two weeks?  In my pride I thought I could handle it.  Why was I so stressed?  In my pride I thought I could handle it.  Why did I get burned out?  In my pride I thought I could handle it.  

Did you read anything of Jesus in that last paragraph?  Yeah, me neither.  Where my pride is, there is no room for HIM.  The Bible says "I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me".   What if I would have taken time to pray and ask the Lord for his strength?  I feel certain my busy weeks would have looked vastly different.  And so I repent of my pride knowing Jesus washes away my sin with his blood.  My heart   cries the words of the old hymn "I need thee, oh I need thee.  Every hour I need thee."

Without Jesus, I am a burned out, stressed out, hollow shell of a girl with a permanent furrow between her eyes.  And no one wants that.

*If you don't know the hymn I mentioned above, watch this link.  If you do know the hymn I mentioned above, watch this link.  You won't be sorry!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3wSbLa2uGg