In four days we are leaving for the beach to spend time with my family.  I am beyond excited to spend all that time with the four members of my first family plus the other nine we've added over the last 14 years by marriage and birth.

I've been thinking about water, how soothing sitting on the beach is.  How relaxed I feel listening to the waves crash and recede, crash and recede.

Simply glorious.

I've also been thinking about my spiritual life.  How it needs some water.  I was flipping thru my journal this morning and I came upon an entry from February of this year.  I had written about how I'd fallen away from a consistent time of Bible study and how this area of my life sees so much ebb and flow.  I wrote about how it was time to stop the ebb and get the flow going again.

Except I didn't.

Oh, I did ok for a few months but, to continue with the water metaphor, I've been mostly drifting this year.  There's not been a lot of deep diving going on in my spiritual life.

And yet.

Yet, I feel the tug and pull of Jesus.  Not that he is tugging and pulling me like I'm a stubborn donkey (altho...) but the tug and pull of wanting to feel his presence. 

I taught the 6th grade girl's Sunday school class this past Sunday.  It was about prayer, spending one on one time with God.  And I felt like the worst kind of hypocrite.

The lesson plan made space for the kids to write a poem or short paragraph about spending time alone with God.  It gave prompts such as, why it's important, what makes it difficult, how you feel when you can't get time alone with God.

I wrote this:

Responsibility weighs heavy

there is so much to do

prayer falls by the wayside

replaced by monotonous activity

My soul shrivels

deep thought ceases

I become robotic

drained of life

David says

"My soul pants for you

like the deer pants for water."

how accurate

I feel dry and dusty

barren like a desert

I want life

dunk me in Your river

I started reading in 1 Peter this morning.  Verse 3 of chapter 1 says "In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead."

New birth.  These two words immediately conjure sunshine, warmth, flowers, puppies, and babies in my mind.

But when I think beyond those first thoughts I realize this:  birth is painful and messy.  It's amazingly disgusting (have you ever watched an animal give birth?).  It's hard.  It can take a lot of time.

But it's worth it.

I have been "born again" to use the Christianese term.  I've trusted Jesus as my savior which means I've admitted to my own failings and my need to be saved.  Saved from a meaningless life.   Saved from following the selfish desires of my heart.  Saved from walking alone in my sin.  

But even tho I've been born again sometimes I need a rebirth.  A new commitment.  A fresh start.  

And when I need to put in the hard, painful, messy work of a rebirth Jesus is more than happy to be my coach.  To remind me to breathe.  To remind me that the end result is worth it.

Jesus is constant even when I am not.  

So here's to a new start.  A new commitment.  A rebirth of my passion to follow Jesus.

He is good.  He is faithful.  He is worth it.