I Didn't Know

I Didn't Know

I didn't know that you would eventually be my husband when you asked me to be your prom date 17 years ago.

My Aunt Sue made me a blue dress and I got my hair done and I felt like a princess.  It was a gorgeous evening and we went to prom in your Mustang.  I was definitely "in like" with you but I didn't know what love was.

I didn't know that we would date for four years before we got married.  Almost exactly four years after our very first date.

I shopped for a white dress and I got my hair done and my dad cried and I felt like a princess.  It was a gorgeous morning and we drove to our reception in a friend's Mustang.  I was definitely in love with you but I didn't know how that love would grow.

I didn't know that I would miscarry our first baby over our first anniversary.  Over Mother's day.

We went to the hospital and there was no heartbeat and I cried.  I don't remember what the weather was like.  But you were my rock.  I loved you for your stability.

I didn't know that we would go on to have four healthy babies in six years.

I expanded and shrank, expanded and shrank, expanded and shrank, expanded and shrank.  We spent a million dollars at wal-mart on diapers and wipes.  I did a million loads of adorable laundry.   You worked a million hours to support us.  I loved  you for your provision.

I didn't know that there would be days so hard, where I would feel so under appreciated, that I would think of leaving.  I didn't know that there would be days when you would come home from work, I would hand you the baby and say "I need to go for a walk".  I didn't know that I could be so tired or that I could cry so many tears.

I didn't know that there would come a time when one of our children would throw up on the couch and we would just decide to burn it because where do you even start?

I didn't know that two adults and a bunch of kids in the same bed on Saturday mornings is a great way to start the day.

I didn't know that camping in the rain is terribly fun if the kids are happy and loving it.

I didn't know that watching you play baseball with our boys could make my heart swell so much.

But now I do.  Now I know all these things and so many more.  

I know that sometimes you have to make a mess to get to something beautiful.

I know that sometimes I can get you to do things you don't really want to do.  And you're a good sport.

I know that as I've changed your love has remained constant.

The girl you asked out on that date 17 years ago would have never dreamed of getting a tattoo.  Today your wife has three of them.

The girl you asked out on that date 17 years ago thought she wanted 8 kids.  Today your wife has four of them.

The girl you asked out on that date 17 years ago never wanted to just hang out at home on a weekend.  Today your wife loves that.

The girl you asked out on that date 17 years ago liked things to be perfect and wanted everything to go her way.  Today your wife is still like that.  Some things never change.

This week we celebrate 13 years of marriage, 17 years of being each other's best friend.  You've made me laugh, you've made me cry, you've made me angry, you've made me fiercely proud.  Of you. Of our babies.  Of this life we've got going on.  

There are still things I don't know.  Like what the next 17 years hold.  But I'm ready to learn.

Always and Forever.