Practice What You Preach

Guess what?  Sometimes I don't.  Please see the following story for evidence.  

On Sunday I got to teach the Jr. High girl's Sunday school class.  In typical Tara fashion I didn't know what I was going to talk about until Sunday morning.  After some prayer I felt led to read that day's Jesus Calling to the girls.  So that's what I did.  I read it slowly.  And then we wrote down single words on the board that stood out to us.

Enfold

Radiance

Glory

Still

Sacrifice

Transformed

Yield

Creative

Tempo

God-breathed

I could write a blog post on each of these words.  My favorite from this list?  Tempo and God-breathed.  I know that's two.  C'mon, you know me well enough by now to know that I can't just pick one favorite ANYTHING.

But back to Sunday.  We focused on the words "glory" and "sacrifice".   Two of the scriptures that went with Sunday's reading were as follows:

"Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise - the fruit of lips that confess his name." ~ Hebrews 13:15

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." ~ 2 Corinthians 3:18

Not gonna lie, that 2 Corinthians verse freaks me out a little.  There is a lot to unpack in that sentence.  The part that I want to focus on is the "unveiled faces" reference which took us back to Exodus and Moses.

The part where God COVERS MOSES WITH HIS HAND IN THE CLEFT OF A ROCK.  I'm sorry to yell but it just never hit me so hard before.  Can you even imagine?!  Literally being covered by the hand of God.  I cried when I read it out loud to the girls.  And then God removed his hand and let Moses see the back of him.

Moses spent a long time on the mountain with God.  And when he came down "he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the Lord."  He ended up putting a veil over his face.

So we talked about glory.  That part was fun.  Then we talked about sacrifice.

Ew.

Sacrifice is messy.  In the Old Testament it required blood.  Sacrifice is time consuming.  People used to make journeys to a specific place to make their sacrifice.  
Sacrifice is heart breaking.  When Jesus hung on the cross, making the ultimate sacrifice, he called out "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

Is there any feeling more desperate than feeling forsaken by God?

We talked about two different kinds of sacrifice: the sacrifice of time and the sacrifice of praise.

The sacrifice of time happens when we choose to dedicate time to Jesus.  Maybe it's getting up early and sacrificing sleep so you can read the Bible.  Maybe it's skipping going to a movie with your friends because the movie isn't honoring to Jesus.  Maybe it's going to bed early on Saturday night so that you aren't groggy and falling asleep during Sunday's sermon.  Whatever it is, sacrificing our time isn't always easy.

Then there's the sacrifice of praise.  What does that even mean?  "Sacrifice" and "Praise" almost seem like they could be opposites. "Sacrifice" induces an uncomfortable feeling while "praise" makes me think of music and dancing.

But what about the hard days?  When the sun hasn't shone for days.  When it feels like everything you've tried to teach your kids is falling on deaf ears.  When you believe the lies of the devil.  When you feel worthless, run down, wrung out.

What then?

Is it not a sacrifice to dig deep and say "Jesus, I praise you for..."?

I told my Jr. High girls that it's ok to pray "Jesus, today was crappy."  But then follow that up with "Can You remind me of something I can be thankful for today?"  Bring the sacrifice of praise.

And here comes the part where I didn't practice what I preached.

Monday was a rough day for me.  Nothing in particular happened that was bad.  But I felt worthless, run down, wrung out.  And so did I say "Jesus, today is crappy.  Can You remind me of something I can be thankful for today?"?

Nope.  I self-medicated with Netflix.

That was an ugly, ugly sentence to type.

But on Tuesday I did practice something that I preach.  You know how I am always harping on being real with each other?  Yeah, I'm not always my realest real.  See how I tried to justify that?!  I'm kinda real sometimes...

Anyway, on Tuesday I had coffee with a dear friend.  And I was really real.  I told her that this winter has been especially rough.  How I think I have SAD.  How I have a doctor appointment on Monday and I want to talk to the Dr. about medication.  How I am struggling with anxiety as well.

And now I've told all of you too.

This dear friend grabbed me up in a hug and prayed over me.

I HATE being on the needy end of things.  It feels so much better being the one to take care of somebody else.

But it's like Crysti reminded me in a text this morning:

"Times ebb and flow.  You have cared for me in the past, now it's my turn.  And around and around it will go.  Then we are each blessed to give and each blessed to receive... just as Jesus designed."

She promised to pray for me but she also did something practical as well.  She gave me Frankincense.  I'm cracking up as I type that! Yeah, like I'm the little baby Jesus, she gave me Frankincense.

If you know about essential oils, you know Frankincense is one.  I don't know much about essential oils but Crysti says this one is supposed to help with my mood.  "Still talk to your Doctor," she says, "But maybe this will help until then."

So, this morning I rubbed some on my wrists.  And can I tell you?  I feel awesome.

Maybe it's the Frankincense.  Maybe it's that the sun is shining for the second day in a row.  Maybe it's that Crysti is praying for me.

I'm guessing it's the combination of all three.

I want my face to shine with the Glory of God.  I want to be real.  I want to encourage you.  I want you to encourage me.  Maybe it takes oil.  Maybe it takes medication.  Maybe it takes sunshine.  It certainly takes Jesus.

May your life and mine reflect the Glory of God as we bring the sacrifices of time and praise.  And may we practice what we preach. 

All or Nothing

Those are the words I use to describe myself.  I have a hard time with middle ground.  This is how it looks in real life:

If I can't clean my whole house in one day I don't clean at all.

If I don't have time to exercise for 20-30 minutes I don't exercise at all.

If I can't keep my garden completely weed free I don't weed at all.

If I don't have time for a nice long hot shower I don't shower at all (TMI? So sorry.)

If I am overwhelmed by the length of my To-Do list I don't do anything at all.

I am a little better when it comes to entertainment but in a perfect world I would:

Start and finish a book in one sitting.

Watch all the episodes/seasons of a TV series in one sitting.

Watch movies and their sequels all in one sitting.

My all or nothing mentality even spills over into deeper things.

There are SO many people I love and want to keep up with.  But I get overwhelmed and I shut people out.

There are SO many things to pray about.  But I get overwhelmed and I don't pray at all.

There are SO many spiritual lessons that I want to keep at the forefront of my brain. But I get overwhelmed and I don't remember anything at all.

This past season has felt like a season of All.  And I'm burned out.  So I've entered the season of Nothing.  Which is most likely why I've not blogged for 3 weeks.

I've been spending lots of time at home.  And can I tell you?  I love it.

But then I feel guilty.  Because there are all these things I should be doing.

I should be doing more at work.

I should be doing more with my friends.

I should be doing more for my family.

These are the expectations I put on myself.  I am my own worst enemy.

Why am I sharing all this with you?  

It feels raw.

It feels messy.

It feels humbling.

But here's the thing.  I KNOW some of you must feel the same way.  Satan would have us believe we are all alone in our struggles, that no one else would understand.

Satan is the father of lies.  I know this to be true.  And so I trust the Spirit's prompting to share how I feel with you.

There are two purposes to this blog post.

#1.  If you are an All or Nothing person I want you to know you are not alone.

#2.  If you are an All or Nothing person who is wiser than me, I want your help.

How do you do life?  How do you create Middle Ground that you feel ok about?  Especially in the Important things like People, Prayer, and Jesus?  How do you combat Satan's lies that you are Too Much and at the same time Not Enough?

If you are brave enough to let me know you struggle in the same way I would welcome your Spirit led wisdom.  And I think Jesus will be glorified if we are willing to be real and help each other along the sometimes bumpy path of Life.