Eeek

There may come a day when I come home from the grocery store, unload my grocery bags from the car, and immediately put the groceries away.

Today is not that day.

So, once again, the counter behind me is covered in grocery bags while I sit here and pound the key board.

Today as I dropped my youngest son off at preschool his teacher casually said, "I love reading your blog!"  I said thanks and hopped back in the car and shut the door.  And then someone knocked on my window.

"Excuse me," she said, "Did I just hear her say you are a blogger?"

I answered that I was, indeed, a blogger.  But it sounded strange.  I don't identify myself as a blogger.  I type words.  Just like I don't identify myself as a runner.  I go out and move my legs a little faster than a walk.  Bloggers are eloquent.  They have followers.  Runners are good at running.  They run races.

I type words.  I move my legs a little faster than a walk.

Anyway.

"I'm a blogger too!" she said.  "We are having a meeting tonight in Ephrata for local bloggers if you want to come.  It's from 7-9."

My face smiled and my mouth said "Oh, I'll keep that in mind!" while my inner hermit said 'I'M STAYING HOME TONIGHT!'.

Here's the thing.  When I think of meeting with other local bloggers I feel scared.  What if my writing is totally inferior?  What if I'm actually pretty decent?  What if I link up to their blogs and their readers become my readers?  What if my words spread farther than I ever thought possible?

Can I tell you?  Sometimes I am downright terrified of the influence I have.

But then this other thought occurs to me.  We are all influencing someone.  Unless you live underground and never see anyone at all.  Your choices, your words, your actions, they are being seen and heard by other people.  Somedays it makes me want to curl up in a ball and weep.  Cuz my heart is not always right.  I wound the people I love.  Sometimes I am the wounded one.  Words get spewed and my eyes leak.  Or my heart hardens.  My face tenses. 

Then there is the flip side of the coin.  Somedays I want to spread my arms wide and spin in circles.  Cuz sometimes my heart is right.  It can be pouring rain and I can walk with my head high, my heart glad because I know Who I belong to.  Somedays that joy spills out and I tell the cashier, "I love your fingernails".  Or I smile wide at that elderly lady.  Words get spoken and my eyes smile.  Or my heart lifts.  My face lights up.

Who are you influencing today?  And which side of the coin is up?

It doesn't matter if you are old or young or somewhere in the middle.  What you say and what you do are important.  If you are scared spitless when you think of the people who are affected by what you say and do, will you join me?

I'm clinging to Jesus.