Hospitality vs. Entertaining

Good morning!  I've been MIA in the blogosphere and for once, I'm ok with that.  Remember, this is my season of nothing?  It's been so good.  And of course, now that I have something I want to blog about, the little monsters who live in my house are losing their crap over E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G this morning.

Please shut up so I can think and write.

Of course I didn't say that out loud.  I merely screamed "DON'T TALK TO EACH OTHER!!!  WHY DO I STILL HEAR YOU TALKING???"

It's a dramatic morning.

Anywho, I've been reading this book:

sidenote: I'm sorry the lighting is weird.  But not sorry enough to move the book and try again.

My awesome neighbor, Michelle, invited me to come to a book study at her house on Wednesday mornings to talk about this book. I enthusiastically agreed and have since showed up only once because I'm the worst person in the world.

But I'm still reading it on my own and that counts for something, right?

This book is all about learning to study the Bible on your own.  You know, you, the Holy Spirit, and scripture.  And journaling.  It's probably why I haven't gone insane from not blogging.  My thoughts are still coming out, just on paper instead of the interweb.

This morning's scripture was Romans 12:9-21.  Lots of really good stuff.  And the book listed some footnotes from different translations and encouraged you to choose one footnote as a journaling prompt.

The footnote I chose was for Romans 12:13 which says "Share with God's people who are in need.  Practice hospitality."

I would have said that hospitality is one of my gifts.  But this winter, dealing with seasonal affective disorder, I have not been hospitable.

Or so I thought, before I read this footnote:

"Christian hospitality differs from social entertaining.  Entertaining focuses on the host-the home must be spotless; the food must be well prepared and abundant; the host must appear relaxed and good-natured.  Hospitality, by contrast, focuses on the guests.  Their needs - whether for a place to stay, nourishing food, a listening ear, or acceptance are the primary concern.  Hospitality can happen in a messy home.  It can happen around a dinner table where the main dish is canned soup.  It can even happen while the host and the guest are doing chores together. Don't hesitate to offer hospitality just because you are too tired, too busy, or not wealthy enough to entertain."

Those words cause an avalanche of thoughts.

1. I have confused hospitality and entertaining.

2. Entertaining is not wrong, it can be fun!

3. Entertaining and hospitality can happen together, in my opinion.

4.  They can also happen separately.

5.  For me, in this season, they need  to happen separately.

6.  I cannot entertain right now.  It feels too big.  All or Nothing.

7.  I can be (and in fact have been) hospitable right now.

8.  Hospitality is about opening your heart more than opening your  home.

So if you are in need of some hospitality, come on over.  I'll make you some coffee.  And maybe open a can of soup. 

And have you help fold my laundry.  :)

Is It Full Moon?

Weird stuff is happening around here today. 

*Kye went to school with his toes poking out of his shoes because for some reason he never thought to tell me his shoes were broken.

* I wore a scarf over my sweater to hide the fact that a button had fallen off.

* A mennonite guy fell off his bike RIGHT IN FRONT OF US.  Praise Jesus, Larry swerved in time and we didn't hit him.  My heart did funny things for a few miles.

* I asked a complete stranger if I could pray for her grandson.

* I started taking antidepressants.

Ok, the first one (I think) is typical of kids.  Especially boy kids.  It still makes me feel like a bad parent.  Oh well, new shoes comin' up tomorrow!

The second one is just me being lazy.  I have a needle and thread and am fully capable of sewing a button back on.  But, meh.  Wrapping a scarf around my neck is a heck of a lot faster.

Number 3.  Holy Cow.

So, the stranger?  Larry and I went to September Farm for supper tonight.  We'd never been there before but heard great things about it.  Three words:  Fried Cheese Curds.  I know, I know.  Ew, they have a terrible name.  But your taste buds don't care what those deliciously gooey things are called.  Trust me on this, eat them.  

Anyway, we ate our dinner, wandered around the store, and then went to order some ice cream.  While we were ordering, an older lady comes in and gets behind us.  

"I know, it's crazy to be getting ice cream on a night like this," she says to me. 

"There's no bad time for ice cream, " I say like a girl who works in an ice cream shop.

Ok, technically this is the ice cream truck, but you get the picture.

"You see," she continues, "my grandson is having a serious surgery on Friday.  Today his mother sent me a picture of the two of them eating ice cream in the hospital with the words 'There's nothing like ice cream to make you feel better'."

And I did see.  She wanted to join them in the ice cream eating.  She wanted to feel better.  

Then, The Nudge.  Have you felt it?  When Jesus says, "Ask if you can pray".  And I hiss back, "REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE ME AN INTROVERT?!"  Then Jesus gives you The Look.

Ok, not really.  But I can see him looking at me like that in my minds eye.

"Can I pray with you about your grandson?" I hear myself say.

"What?" she says.

"Can I pray with you about your grandson?" I repeat.

Look of surprise, "Well, yes."

"What's his name?"

"Kyle."

So we pray.  Right there in the middle of September Farm, me holding an ice cream cone in one hand and this precious lady's arm in the other.  Her hand covering mine.  We pray for healing, wisdom, complete restoration.  And the September Farm Ice Cream Scooping Girl says "Amen."

I started taking antidepressants today.  My doctor agrees with me that I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.  She put me on a low dose of Sertraline.  I was reading the paper work that came with the drug on our way to September Farm.

"Antidepressant medications are used to treat a variety of conditions, including depression and other mental/mood disorders."

I have a mental disorder.  There is so much stigma that comes crashing down with those words.  But I know that this is something that is beyond my control.  If I had strep throat, I would take antibiotics to bring healing.  Since I don't have the right balance of serotonin (a brain chemical that affects mood), I will take sertraline to bring healing.

Then there are the side effects.  There was the usual nausea, dizziness, diarrhea, blah, blah, blah.  But then this: "Get medical help right away if any of these rare but serious side effects occur:...vomit that looks like coffee grounds."

What?!

And also this fun paragraph: "Some conditions may become worse when this drug is suddenly stopped.  Also, you may experience symptoms such as mood swings, headaches, tiredness, sleep changes, and brief feelings similar to electric shock."


Brief feelings similar to electric shock, huh?

Here's the bottom line:  I'm broken, just like Kye's shoes.  I have a mental disorder and to help balance my brain I'm taking a medication that could (but probably won't) make my vomit look like coffee grounds and make me feel like I'm being electrocuted. 

And Jesus asked me to pray for a woman tonight who needed to know she is loved.

No more excuses, k?  Jesus uses the broken for his glory.

Go get 'em.