I've been MIA from the blogosphere.  And I feel like my head is about to explode from all the thoughts trapped in there that haven't made it out into print.  Writing is so therapeutic for me!

So, the reason I have been missing is that I was just simply too busy.  Now, with a husband, 4 kids, a house, a job, church activities, extended family, and friends I am always busy.  But for 2 weeks I kicked it into high gear, thinking I could do more than I really could.  The result?  Burnout.  Stress.  A permanent furrow between my eyebrows (I think it's gone now).  I posted this as my facebook status: "i am seriously considering becoming a professional hermit." — feeling anti-social.   

I intended to make people laugh with that status but it was also the truth.  The same day I posted that I skipped girl's night.  If you know me well you know how big of a deal that is.  I didn't have plans.  I just wanted to be home.  

I didn't even want to go to church.  There are so many people there.  So much noise.  I wanted to be under a blanket on my couch with only my husband and kids around.  My energy was utterly depleted.  

I even cried on my way to work one day.  It's very rare for me to cry because of my own life circumstances.  You tell me something that's hard in your life and I'll bawl my eyes out.  But for myself?  Hardly ever.

In the midst of all this I heard my mom say to someone "Yeah, today she's not the super woman you read about on facebook!"  She was just joking around but, ouch!  my ego.  Excuse me while I go repair my pride.  Pride.  That's what it all comes down to.

Pride is my biggest sin, a major stumbling block in my life.  Why was my life so busy for those two weeks?  In my pride I thought I could handle it.  Why was I so stressed?  In my pride I thought I could handle it.  Why did I get burned out?  In my pride I thought I could handle it.  

Did you read anything of Jesus in that last paragraph?  Yeah, me neither.  Where my pride is, there is no room for HIM.  The Bible says "I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me".   What if I would have taken time to pray and ask the Lord for his strength?  I feel certain my busy weeks would have looked vastly different.  And so I repent of my pride knowing Jesus washes away my sin with his blood.  My heart   cries the words of the old hymn "I need thee, oh I need thee.  Every hour I need thee."

Without Jesus, I am a burned out, stressed out, hollow shell of a girl with a permanent furrow between her eyes.  And no one wants that.

*If you don't know the hymn I mentioned above, watch this link.  If you do know the hymn I mentioned above, watch this link.  You won't be sorry!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3wSbLa2uGg

On Sandwiches and Skipbo

Today I had lunch and played games with the most beautiful lady I know.  

While I was delivering soup and donut holes this morning I realized that it had been much too long since I had spent time with my Grandma.  So I called her up to see if she had lunch plans.  "Good morning," I said, "How are you?"  And she replied with one of the two sayings I knew she would use: "Well, I sat up and took nourishment this morning."  She followed these words with her infectious laugh and in my mind's eye I could see her twinkling naughty eyes.  Turns out she did much more than that.  She had volunteered at the store, been to the library, and was doing laundry and reading the paper.  

Jake and I finished our deliveries, picked up some sandwiches, and made the drive to Lititz.  Jake wanted his GG to pray over our lunch and she thanked Jesus for the fun surprises He sends and for the food.  We tried to chat between Jake's many words.  I asked about her recent knee surgery, she wanted to see my tattoo.  I told her about a friend who is struggling with her pregnancy and is on bed rest.  Jake wanted to know if GG had any friends.  We talked about my brother in Georgia and how he'd like me to bring some of Grandma's applesauce when I go to visit him.  Jake played with balloons and we played with cards.  It was a delightful way to spend a rainy fall afternoon.  We packed up, told GG we love her, gave her a hug, and left.

And as we drove away I struggled against tears.  Because life is uncertain and I don't know how many more visits I get with Grandma.  We're both getting older everyday.  I am so blessed to have her in my life.  My heart was so full today as I looked across the table and saw my littlest man with the smooth skin of youth beside my beautiful grandma with the soft wrinkly skin that wisdom brings.  How wonderful that my children get to know my grandma.  This woman that has taught me so many things.  She taught me to love onions, chocolate cake with applesauce on top, and Jesus.  She taught me that ice cream is an acceptable breakfast food, it's funny to bring a plastic pile of fake dog poop to someone's house who has an indoor dog, and that you stand by your man even when times are hard.  She taught me sayings like 'on your feet, loose your seat', 'don't do anything I wouldn't do', and 'love you more!'.  She's shown me that having a sense of humor can take you a long way in life.  She's shown me that being on your knees is a beautiful posture.  She's shown me that as long as you are following after Jesus it's ok to break the rules of religion.

On the heels of my sad thoughts of someday being without her in this world came the amazing truth that the separation will be short.  She's been washed in the blood of Jesus and so have I which means we get to spend eternity together.  We might not know each other in a grandmother/granddaughter way but I believe my spirit will recognize hers and that is awesome!

Grandma, you are my hero, I want to be like you when I grow up, and I love you.

Words

I love words.  I always have and I always will.   I especially love written words.  Reading is my favorite way to relax.  Sunday afternoons you will most likely find me stretched out on the couch with a book.  I can lose myself in a fictional story for hours and it's wonderful!

But there are words I love even more.  Words that are more important.

(Once again, sorry about the sideways picture.  I just haven't taken the time to figure out how to turn it.)

Above is a photo of my Bible.  It is packed full of words.  Life giving words.  Check your attitude words.  I love you words.  The very word of God.  Too often I take it for granted.

My Bible also holds encouraging words that are not directly from God.  It's stuffed with notes and letters I've received over the past 18 years that have blessed me.  There's the letter of apology I received in junior high from the boy who was super mean to me and made me cry.  There's the note of encouragement from my youth pastor telling me what spiritual gifts he sees in me.  There's the full page handwritten letter from my boss thanking me for my friendship and my service to the restaurant.  And most recently added, there is the sheet of paper that is filled front and back with words from my friends.  Words that they asked God for.  Words that affirm my gifts and my callings.

It's Friday morning and I have a weekend challenge for you.  If you dare.  Take some time to ask God if he has a word for someone you love (or someone you don't love).  Take some time to write it down and mail it or hand deliver it.  Take some time to think about how blessed you would be to receive it.  Your words are so important, make sure they are worth speaking.